Infidelity in marriage: How should you handle it biblically

Infidelity or adultery is a topic that ignites heated debates in modern society.

When faced with the heart-wrenching reality of a cheating spouse, you are confronted with a dilemma.

Should you extend forgiveness and stay, or should you tread the path of divorce?

As a Christian, you are encouraged to seek guidance from biblical principles in making this decision.

In this article, we will help you discern the path that aligns with your faith and your values.

It is a challenging journey and this can lead to healing, growth, and, ultimately, a decision that resonates with your convictions.

The covenant of marriage

The concept of marriage as a covenant is rooted in the belief that this special bond is established by God, not by human hands. This covenant is unbreakable.

However, the physical passing of one or both partners serves as an exemption. While you are alive and well, you cannot be part of more than one covenant-bound marriage.

Such an unbroken bond is clearly stated in Romans 7:2-3. These verses say that a woman is bound to her husband as long as they both live. Only the death of the husband can release her from this binding law.

If she were to marry another man while her husband lives, she would be an adulteress. This emphasizes that this covenant bond cannot be shared with multiple living spouses.

Moreover, the exclusive nature of this divine covenant bond is made evident by the teachings in Hebrews 13:4.

The scripture acknowledges marriage as an honorable union and underscores the purity of the marriage bed.

Still, it is explicitly stated that sexual relations outside of this God-ordained covenant are either acts of adultery or fornication.

Wedding rings. (Photo by Sandy Millar from Unsplash)

The option of divorce

According to the teachings of the Bible, infidelity is a grave sin. This is because it breaks the covenant of marriage in the eyes of God. This signifies a severe breach of trust and commitment.

In essence, it severs the binding agreement that was initially made, as the physical union that sealed this covenant is given to another. This implies that from a spiritual perspective, the covenant of marriage is fundamentally compromised when one partner engages in infidelity.

So, it is not you who breaks the covenant, but your cheating partner who does so.

In the book of Jeremiah, there is an illustration of how God responded to Israel when she repeatedly and unrepentantly broke her covenant with Him.

God, in response, “divorced” Israel, but understand that God does not break covenants, as mentioned in the verse from Hebrews.

Thus, when God divorced Israel, it was Israel’s actions that caused the covenant to be broken. This is even though it was God who initiated the divorce.

Given the strong stance of the Bible on the importance of fidelity in marriage, it is acceptable for Christians to consider divorce in cases of infidelity.

However, it is crucial to approach this decision with caution and discernment.

It is advisable to opt for divorce when your cheating partner shows no remorse for their actions, refuses to take accountability, and attempts to manipulate you back into the relationship through gaslighting or blaming.

In such situations, divorce becomes a way to publicly acknowledge that the covenant has already been broken. This way, you can seek a path toward healing and restoration.

A broken paper heart. (Photo by Kelly Sikkema from Unsplash)

The option of reconciliation

When faced with infidelity in your marriage, it is important to know that you have choices.

One option is to seek divorce. But another path is forgiveness and reconciliation with your partner.

If both you and your spouse committed to addressing the wounds with honest conversation and open hearts, there is indeed reason to hope. This process will need effort, patience, and understanding from both sides.

It will not be easy, but with this, your marriage can not only recover but also flourish and thrive in a way that surpasses its previous state before the infidelity occurred.

How is reconciliation possible

Before considering reconciliation with your partner, it is essential to carefully assess your specific circumstances to determine whether it’s a viable option.

Here are the instances you should keep in mind.

Request for forgiveness

Reconciliation with a cheating partner becomes possible when they sincerely seek forgiveness.

It should be towards their spouse and others who may have been affected by their actions. This includes family, friends, and co-workers.

An act asking for forgiveness reflects courage and humility, acknowledging the pain caused by their selfish choices that disregarded the feelings of others.

Willingness to fix the relationship

Both you and your partner must be willing to address what happened and work through it together.

Achieving true healing and rebuilding trust requires a joint effort, with varying levels of patience and grace depending on the individuals involved and the unique dynamics of your relationship.

A woman leaning on a man’s shoulder. (Photo by KaLisa Veer from Unsplash)

How to deal with infidelity in marriage

Facing infidelity in your marriage can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience.

Here are some ways to navigate and cope with the challenges that arise when dealing with infidelity in your relationship.

Talk to God

Begin by engaging in heartfelt conversations with God.

Express your worries, fears, and hopes as you grapple with the impact of infidelity in your marriage. These conversations can serve as a source of solace and guidance.

They provide you with a space to find spiritual strength and clarity during this difficult time.

Avoid telling your partner’s infidelity to other people

It is natural to seek support from others when dealing with infidelity, but exercise caution when sharing details about your partner’s unfaithfulness.

Limit these discussions to only a select few trusted individuals in your life. Choose who can provide you with emotional support and guidance.

Ensure that the situation remains private and respectful of your partner’s dignity.

Do not ignore your feelings

Acknowledge and embrace your feelings, whether they are characterized by hurt, anger, confusion, or sadness.

Understand that these emotions are entirely valid responses to the betrayal you have experienced.

By acknowledging them, you allow yourself the opportunity to process and eventually heal from the emotional wounds inflicted by infidelity.

Learn to forgive your partner

Forgiveness is a complex and often lengthy process. This involves extending grace and understanding to your partner despite the pain they have caused.

Allow yourself the space to work through your emotions and progress toward forgiveness at your own pace.

A woman who seems to be kneeling in prayer. (Photo by Luis Alberto Sánchez
Terrones from Unsplash)

Refuse to get revenge

As tempting as seeking revenge may be, it ultimately hinders the potential for healing and reconciliation.

Refrain from taking retaliatory actions. They only perpetuate negative emotions and further damage the relationship. Instead, focus on constructive ways to address the issues at hand.

Set boundaries in your relationship

Establish clear and healthy boundaries within your relationship. These are essential for your emotional well-being.

Communicate openly with your partner about your needs and expectations. Ensure both of you are on the same page regarding the boundaries you set.

Talk to a counselor

Seek the expertise of a qualified counselor who specializes in relationship and marriage issues.

A counselor can provide a safe and neutral space for you and your partner to address the challenges posed by infidelity.

They can offer guidance, tools, and strategies to help you navigate the complexities of reconciliation and work toward healing your marriage.

A couple attending a marriage counseling session. (Photo by Antoni Shkraba from Pexels)

Weigh your decision

When confronted with infidelity in your marriage, recognize that you have the choice to either stay with your partner or to leave.

The decision you make should align with what you believe would please the Lord and contribute to your overall well-being.

Importantly, this choice does not need to be made hastily. You can take the time needed to carefully weigh the pros and cons associated with each option.

By allowing yourself the space for thoughtful consideration, you can make a decision that is both spiritually sound and in alignment with your own emotional and relational needs.