Influencing others: How to confront a friend who is a serial cheater

Do you have a friend who is cheating on their partner?

The question that weighs on your mind is this:

Should you confront them about it or simply pretend it is none of your business?

As a Christian, you are likely grappling with the moral dilemma of how to handle this situation in a way that aligns with your faith.

The answer, rooted in Christian principles, is clear: you should confront your friend.

Cheating is a sin, and turning a blind eye to it is similar to enabling this sinful behavior.

That being said, this article will first explore why confronting your friend is the right course of action from a Christian perspective. Second, to provide you with practical steps on how to approach this challenging conversation.

Cheating in the Bible

Cheating, as described in the Bible, is a serious matter. Along with idolatry and murder, it is explicitly mentioned among three sins that must be avoided at all costs.

The Bible emphasizes the importance of maintaining the primary bond with one’s spouse, considering it the most critical human relationship. When this priority is neglected, problems can arise.

Trust, for example, is broken when cheating is discovered. But building intimate relationships based on emotional vulnerability demands thoughtfulness, time, and effort to grow. It is even longer if they need to be rebuilt.

That being said, Scripture reminds us not to be deceived.

Galatians 6:7-8 tells us that we will reap what we sow. Though the consequences may not be immediate, they will come.

Moreover, Leviticus 20:10 highlights the severity of cheating. It says that both the cheater and their affair partner will face severe consequences.

Even though the punishment today may not be physical death, a day of reckoning will certainly come (Revelation 21:8). Moreover, it will be worse than death (Revelation 20:12-15).

The gravest consequence for adulterers is that they will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). When tempted to engage in sexual immorality, the Bible urges you to flee from it.

While cheating is forgivable, it requires deep soul-searching, a complete change of behavior, and a plea for God’s mercy to attain forgiveness.

It is a sin that, once committed, demands genuine repentance and transformation.

A newly married couple. (Photo by Victoria Priessnitz from Unsplash)

Why enabling cheaters equates to cheating

Enabling those who cheat is akin to cheating itself, and here is the reason why.

When you knowingly support or ignore the actions of a cheater, you are making a choice. It might not be you who is sinning. But you are choosing to turn a blind eye to it.

You are essentially condoning the wrongdoing. This can lead the person who cheats to believe that their actions are acceptable or that there are no consequences for their behavior.

Moreover, your witness as a Christian is at stake.

Others observe your actions and choices. When they see you turning a blind eye to cheating, it sends a message that your faith may not be as strong or sincere as you claim.

Your moral values should guide your actions and interactions with others.

By confronting cheating and encouraging righteousness, you demonstrate your commitment to living according to your Christian beliefs.

A woman who is covering her eyes. (Photo by pawel szvmanski from Unsplash)

How to confront a friend who is a serial cheater

If you decide not to enable your friend’s sin, you can follow several biblical steps to address the issue with them. These steps will help you approach the situation with love, truth, and the hope of reconciliation.

Speak with grace and love, not judgment

When you approach your consistently unfaithful friend, it is essential to communicate with kindness and affection rather than pass harsh judgment.

Begin the conversation by expressing your genuine concern.

You can say something like, “I want to talk to you about something that has been on my heart. It is because I care about you and our friendship deeply that I feel we need to discuss this.”

Consider the right time and place for the conversation

Choosing the right time and place for this conversation is crucial to ensure that it is productive and respectful.

Remember that this conversation should remain private and not become a public spectacle. Therefore, suggest a suitable moment and location that prioritizes discretion and sensitivity.

Moreover, it can be tempting to express frustration or disappointment publicly, especially in today’s age of social media. However, such a course of action is rarely constructive and can cause even more harm.

Let them be aware of the consequences of their actions

Make sure your friend understands the gravity of their actions.

Share the potential consequences of their infidelity, both in terms of their relationships and their spiritual well-being.

Also, remind them that the Bible teaches about the importance of fidelity and the impact of betrayal on families and communities.

Your intention should be to help them grasp the seriousness of their choices and motivate them to seek repentance and forgiveness.

Lead them to acknowledge their sin

While maintaining a compassionate approach, it is essential not to allow your friend to evade responsibility for their actions. Be persistent but gentle in your stance.

It is natural for your friend to offer explanations or justifications for their actions. However, it is essential to remain steadfast in your commitment to addressing their behavior.

While showing empathy, kindly but firmly let them know that you cannot condone or accept excuses that minimize the hurt they have caused.

Two men who are having a serious talk. (Photo by LinkedIn Sales Solutions from Unsplash)

Suggest ways for them to stop their affair

You can gently recommend that your friend end their affair.

Encourage them to block communication and avoid situations where they might be tempted to continue the affair. This step aligns with biblical principles of repentance and turning away from sinful behavior, helping them restore their commitment to their spouse and God.

Encourage them to confess their sins

Highlight the importance of acknowledging their actions and seeking forgiveness before God.

Additionally, mention that it may be appropriate for them to consider confessing to their spouse and anyone else who has been affected.

Share scriptures and pray with them

Turn to the Bible for guidance and support during this challenging time.

Share relevant scripture passages that offer wisdom and insight into the importance of repentance and forgiveness. Following the reading, pray together, seeking God’s guidance and strength.

Guide them in taking accountability

Offer your unwavering support in helping your friend take full responsibility for their actions.

Recognize that they might feel overwhelmed or lost in this process, and assure them that you will be there to assist them in becoming accountable.

If you feel that your friend is falling back into temptation, it is essential to continue offering your support and guidance. Remind them of their commitment to change.

A person holding a Bible. (Photo by Priscilla Du Preez from Unsplash)

Faithfulness

Just as it is right to be faithful to your partner, it is also right to remain faithful to your beliefs and values as a Christian.

Therefore, if you see your friend sinning, you should be an influence on them and lead them to correct their actions.

It is your responsibility to guide them toward the right path, just as you would in any other aspect of your faith.

Your actions and words can make a difference in helping your friend align their life with Christian values, ultimately fostering a stronger sense of faith and righteousness in both of your lives.