Setting boundaries in a relationship: The whys and hows

Christians often find themselves woven into various social threads – with friends, family, and coworkers. In these interwoven moments, invitations—whether well-intentioned or not—may surface, nudging you toward actions that go against the grain of your faith. You sense, deep within, the gentle pull to stand firm in your faith, yet saying ‘no’ can feel like a challenging uphill climb.

Navigating the delicate balance between societal expectations and steadfast faith can be a tightrope walk. And, it is precisely in this tension that the importance of setting boundaries in your relationships becomes evident.

In this article, we will explore the reasons why these boundaries are crucial. Moreover, we will offer insights into how to establish and maintain them.

A boundary sign. (Photo by Kevin Butz from Unsplash)

Boundaries in the Bible

The Bible has verses that offer practical guidance for navigating relationships. They remind you to be intentional in where you invest your time, careful in selecting your companions, and discerning in the battles you choose to fight. In other words, setting boundaries in your relationships.

Consider Matthew 10:14, where Jesus advises his disciples not to linger where their message is unwelcome. It gently reminds you that your energy and efforts are best invested where they can flourish, where seeds of wisdom can find fertile ground.

Turning to 2 Corinthians 6:14, you also encounter a powerful principle about choosing your companions wisely. The imagery is vivid – light and darkness, righteousness and lawlessness – a stark contrast urging you to be discerning in your associations. It is a call to guard your heart and also the company you keep, recognizing the impact it has on your journey of faith.

Then, there is the wisdom encapsulated in Proverbs 26:4, cautioning against engaging in futile arguments. The verse likens arguing with a fool to trying to control a fire – a vivid metaphor urging you to pick your battles wisely. It is an invitation to preserve your peace, acknowledging that not every disagreement merits your energy or jeopardizes the harmony you seek.

Why set boundaries

Setting boundaries is not about building walls. Rather, it is ensuring that you get to uphold these following facets in your life.

Boundaries define your identity

Boundaries play a role in defining and shaping your identity. They set the limits of who you are, marking the space where your convictions and principles reside. Without clear boundaries, your identity can become blurred, influenced by the expectations of others.

For instance, your workplace often involves social events where colleagues expect everyone to participate in activities that go against your values. This may include casual gossip or questionable practices; setting a boundary means politely excusing yourself from such situations. It reinforces your commitment to maintaining your integrity and identity.

They help you care for yourself and others

Beyond defining your identity, boundaries are like guards for your emotional well-being. They protect you from emotional trespass, signaling what is acceptable and what crosses the line. In relationships, these boundaries become crucial. They uphold the sanctity of your emotional space and preserve the vitality of your inner world.

For example, in a close friendship, your friend frequently leans on you for emotional support. However, it is starting to take a toll on your well-being. Setting a boundary involves communicating that while you value friendship, you need some space to prioritize your emotional health. In turn, this creates a healthier dynamic for both of you.

Makes sure you are focusing on God and His will for your life

In the realm of faith, boundaries serve a sacred role. They act as hedges that protect the garden of your spiritual life. By delineating the sacred from the profane, you create a space where your relationship with God can flourish.

For instance, your social circle regularly engages in activities that do not align with your Christian values, making it challenging to stay true to your faith. Setting a boundary means choosing not to participate in those activities. This creates a space where you can focus on your relationship with God and live in accordance with His will for your life.

A woman at church. (Photo by Thomas Vitali from Unsplash)

Challenges in setting boundaries in a relationship

Navigating the challenge of setting boundaries in relationships is like charting a course through uncharted waters. It requires a delicate balance between expressing your needs and maintaining the harmony of the connection. At times, you may find it daunting to communicate what you are comfortable with, fearing it might cause tension or discomfort.

Moreover, external pressures and societal expectations often add complexity to this challenge. Friends, family, or cultural norms may urge you to conform. This makes it hard to draw the line. The fear of disappointing or upsetting others can become a weighty concern, making it difficult to prioritize your well-being.

The challenge is also internal, as self-doubt and the desire to please may cloud your judgment. You might question whether your needs are valid. Or you may ask yourself whether asserting boundaries or saying no makes you appear selfish.

A graffiti of a man who seems to be struggling with his internal thoughts. (Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor from Unsplash)

How to set and maintain boundaries in a relationship

As you know by now, setting boundaries is a challenge. However, you can try out the following practical tips to successfully integrate them into your life.

Put God first

To start, put God first. In the hustle and bustle of life, it is easy to get swept up in the expectations and demands of others. However, by grounding your boundaries in your faith, you establish a foundation that aligns with God’s principles. Seek His guidance in prayer, allowing His wisdom to shape the limits you set in your relationship.

Be completely honest about your boundaries

Transparency is the key to understanding. In a relationship, honesty lays the groundwork for mutual respect. Express your comfort levels and make it clear what is acceptable and what goes beyond your boundaries. It is not about building walls but about creating a shared understanding that fosters a healthy and respectful connection. When you express your boundaries with openness, you pave the way for a relationship that honors both your individuality and the collective journey you are on together.

Never mind what others say

Never mind what others say. Do not let them force or pressure you into compliance. Your feelings and convictions matter, and it is essential to stand firm when faced with external expectations. Setting boundaries is an act of self-preservation, asserting your needs and values amid societal pressures.

Remember that even Jesus said no

Remember that even Jesus, the embodiment of grace and compassion, knew when to say no. If someone guilt-trips you using your faith, it is okay to follow the example of Jesus. Setting boundaries does not make you unkind. Rather, it reinforces the importance of maintaining your integrity.

For example, in the Gospel of Mark, chapter 1. After a day of healing the sick and performing miracles, the next morning, while it was still dark, Jesus went to a solitary place to pray. Despite the disciples’ eagerness for him to continue his miraculous works, Jesus chose to establish a boundary by prioritizing time alone for prayer and communion with God.

By setting this boundary, Jesus emphasizes the importance of personal spiritual nourishment and the need to recharge.

Be firm with what you want

In the ebb and flow of relationships, it is easy to be swayed by the desires and expectations of others. However, setting boundaries requires a firm stance on what you are comfortable with and what aligns with your values.

A man reading the Bible. (Photo by Gift Habeshaw from Unsplash)

Thriving relationships

Setting boundaries is the art of maintaining balance. It allows you to grow spiritually, nurture yourself, and build meaningful connections with those around you. As you embark on this journey, remember that boundaries are not barriers but bridges. They pave the way for flourishing relationships in every facet of your life.