A couple having an argument. (Photo by Alex Green from Pexels)There are things better unsaid, especially in marriage. Sometimes, the more we speak, the more we worsen the problem or create a conflict between our spouses.
In marriage, you would learn that the timing and content of our words matter most for us to lessen the fight or prevent a fight. The things we say to our spouse have a significant impact on how we build our marriage.
Thus, we should be careful about what comes out of our mouths.
10 Things you should not tell your spouse
When we burst out of our anger, we often say things we regret once we cool down. However, we should guard our mouths whenever we are in pain.
James 3:6 says, “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is set on fire by hell.”
So, to build and protect our marriage from getting burned with our words, here are some things you should not tell your spouse.
1. “You’re just like your mother/father!”
A couple fighting. (Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels)Making degrading comparisons to a spouse’s parents is hurtful and counterproductive to building a healthy relationship. Our marriage is supposed to be filled with respect regardless of the situation.
Also, we should never take advantage of our spouse’s pain from their parents to hurt them during an argument. Such comments can lead to resentment and a sense of emotional isolation.
Ephesians 4:29 urges us to speak in ways that build up, not tear down. When we engage in destructive speech, we create a rift in the marital bond God intended to be strong and nurturing.
2. “I wish I never married you!”
Wedding rings on a book. (Photo by Alexandre Saraiva Carniato from Pexels)Regretting your marital commitment and vocalizing it can sow seeds of irreparable damage. It’s a way of questioning God’s plan for your lives and negates the sacredness of the marital covenant.
Mark 10:9 reminds us that what God has joined together, man should not separate.
By expressing regret about your marriage, you undermine a divine arrangement and sow discord in your relationship.
However, sometimes, because of our struggles, we cannot help but think about this. But, we should never let our spouse hear this phrase. It is like telling them that you were never happy in your marriage.
3. “You always” or “You never”
A couple shouting at each other. (Photo by Timur Weber from Pexels)Absolute statements like these close the door to constructive communication and understanding. They generalize behavior and can lead to unfair accusations. No one would like to initiate a peaceful conversation to resolve the problem if we tell these phrases to our spouse.
Colossians 3:19 advises, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Calling for a kind and understanding approach to disagreements.
By avoiding absolutes, spouses can communicate more clearly and compassionately, leaving room for growth and forgiveness.
Thus, we should only focus on the specific issue and never try to generalize the entire time we spend in our relationship.
4. “If you loved me, you would…”
A couple arguing while drinking coffee. (Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels)Emotional manipulation is unhealthy and directly contradicts the Bible’s depiction of love. This conditional statement is not an act of love but selfishness. We should never force our spouse to do something they do not want just to prove their love for us.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, love is patient, kind, and does not insist on its own way.
So, taking advantage of love as a bargaining chip erodes trust and creates an imbalance of power in the relationship, which is not aligned with Christian values.
5. “This is your fault!”
A wife blaming her husband. (Photo by Diva Plavalaguna from Pexels)Blame games never helped anyone. This is a quick way to make your spouse defensive and shut down any meaningful conversation.
Besides, pointing fingers is an act of pride. Instead of finding who’s fault to blame, it is better to be humble and evaluate ourselves for what we have done wrong.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
So, instead of blaming them solely, look for ways to solve the problem together. You are joined together to become united for better or for worse. Blaming your spouse for their mistakes does not help resolve the issue but could worsen it.
6. “You’re worthless!”
A husband is hurting his wife. (Photo by Mart Production from Pexels)This is more than just an insult; it’s a destructive statement that can have a long-lasting impact on your spouse’s self-esteem. You would never marry someone worthless, right?
It could be challenging to see the best or the good things in our spouse, especially when you are going through a rough patch, but never say they are worthless.
According to Genesis 1:27, every individual is valuable, created in God’s own image. So, calling someone worthless is directly opposed to that teaching.
Moreover, one of you could earn more than the other, but that should not be the basis of worth in the relationship.
7. “I do not forgive you!”
Parents fighting in front of their daughter. (Photo by RDNE Stock Project from Pexels)
Holding onto grudges is bad news. Matthew 6:14-15 encourages us to forgive each other, just as God forgives us. Keeping a record of wrongs does not only hurt your spouse; it also affects your own spiritual well-being.
Besides, living with resentment and anger under one roof would negatively impact your marriage and your children. It rottens your home. You are teaching your children how not to forgive even if you love the person.
More so, our spouse may have caused us so much pain and damage; let God help you forgive them, but never tell them you will never forgive them. It is like making a conclusion that they will never be forgiven.
8. “I do not need you!”
A woman standing appears to be mad at her husband sitting on a bench. (Photo by RDNE Stock Project from Pexels)This one stings because it makes your spouse feel useless and unloved.
In 1 Corinthians 12:21, a husband and wife are often compared to a body, where each part has a purpose. Saying you do not need your spouse is like saying a part of you is useless, and that’s not okay.
No matter how bad your fight is, at the end of the day, you still need your spouse to make you feel complete since God has joined you together. You cannot deny the fact that your spouse makes you happy.
9. “I could be happier with someone else!”
A couple talking to a counselor. (Photo by Timur Weber from Pexels)This thought is a seed that, if nurtured, can grow into a full-blown problem. Exodus 20:17 tells us to be content with what we have, including our relationships.
If you’re always thinking about how life could be better with someone else, you’re not giving your marriage the attention and love it deserves. No one would ever be happy without satisfaction.
10. “I have a secret life you do not know about!”
A couple sitting on a sidewalk. (Photo by Odonata WellnessCenter from Pexels)Secrets can destroy trust, the foundation of any good marriage. The Bible values honesty and tells us to be truthful with each other. When you keep secrets, you create a wall between you and your spouse, making any real emotional connection hard.
Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
Be filled with God’s words
Out of the abundance of the hearth, the mouth speaks. Therefore, fill your minds and hearts with God’s words to give you the power to control your mouth, especially in times of chaos and trials in your marriage.
By heeding these Biblical teachings and avoiding such detrimental statements, couples can foster a marriage that honors God and provides a sturdy foundation for a life built on faith, love, and mutual respect.
Republished with permission from Blogs.crossmap.com, featuring inspiring Bible verses about 10 Things you should not tell your spouse.
